No Shades of Grey...R&R: Comprende

There are moments, phases, and periods of life that no matter the complexity always manage to find their way back to the black and white expectations of life. Outside looking in it is hard to distinguish the gray from the easily identified lack of color and presence of that and so we judge the world around us through that lens overlooking the intricate, complicated, relativity that transcend preconceived ideals and exists just to exist.

I am in love with my best friend ex-boyfriend...BFEBF as he's been affectionately titled on my little bit of blogging space. And I ask for the purposes of this post that you actually delve into the grey area...Because the simplicity of black and white will get us nowhere.

In the spirit of my first Read and Response Post...I respond...Solely response, no tangents.

-Visiting the 757 and Nutcrackers...No my friends it wasn't just a play
I had several reasons for not going to the 757, reasons which I probably did not thoroughly explain but then I didn't think I would need to.

1)I don't do church, the best friend does church...A lot of church....I don't do church so I stayed at home.

2)I don't do lots of people...I can deal with my own family by locking myself in a room...I don't do other large families mine is psychotic enough...And the best friends family is just as big and crazy is mine. She goes home and I call she talks about the crazy...I hear the crazy in the background...Enough said

3)I saw the best friend at school, I see the best friend at her apartment. My relationship with the best friend does not necessitate my going to the 757 to ensure its survival and therefore me not visiting the best friend in the 757 and visiting the boyfriend the 757 are two very different entities stemming from two very different relationships and don't really reflect any creation of jealously...It just is what it is.

*I've been with a dude for a month, but we talked constantly for 2 months before that so technically the entire relationship process has been under way for 3 months...And although all up in his nut and cracking it shouldn't be taken literally...But seriously, isn't that my job?

-She is reaping the benefits of our failed attempt at a relationship.
Not really, more like I'm reaping the benefits of a friendship that I worked really hard to establish and deal with. I mean we could say that any NEW girlfriend is reaping the benefits of a past relationship with an EX girlfriend...But that really isn't reaping benefit that's just the way relationships begin and end, change and evolve. Not that the ended relationship didn't impact our ability to be together now, but the failed relationship didn't come with an all inclusive benefits package that just so happened to have Great Relationship as a parting prize and me as its claimant.

-Now he is treating my best friend how he SHOULD have treated me.
He should have treated MY Best Friend better, we both know this. Hell I hated him for 2 years because of it completely ignoring the fact that people can change so much. I was the first to say he was a complete bastard who completely fucked up and then left her to pick up his mess...That's true. But that was high school, years ago and although the remnants of that still remain in so many ways we have to look to the past, learn from the past, and figure out how to take that and make the future better.

-Best friend rule book to not date your best friends ex boyfriend.
The problem with that rule is that although it plays into our moral and ethical traditions, it can't always be realistic. The best friend and I had lengthy conversations where I struggled to get past that rule. But in struggling I also had to remember what I've always felt; If you are or were in a relationship and that is over why hold the other person back. And, if you are completely over someone and you have moved on in a way that allows you to remember the past but not be held back by it, why restrict something between two people that has the potential to make both of them extremely happy. That type of relationship has nothing to do with insecurity in oneself because that isn't what is important, It has everything to do with security in friendship, love, and a past which despite its hardships has led us to a better present and future potential.

And we all know a little something about the Green Eyed Monster...We just have to have the ability to put it back into its cage before it destroys the good things we've created. I love my Best Friend and I love my Boyfriend...and monsters aren't real anyway.

**firefly**